Good Times... Noodle Salad....

I know I said I couldn't relate to Charlie, but I think I can on some level.

Charlie obviously feels like he's on the outside looking in. (hence the title).

Kristen said in her journal, "Movies, songs, and books play a huge role on Charlie and how e identifies himself." I know it's painfully obvious, but I just wanted to quote someone in my journal because now I have become cool.

But really, I don't use movies and books to describe myself as much as I do music. Music is my life (I am a musician). So I really can put myself in a certain songs... it's like my whole life is music video (One's like Guns N' Roses... they tell stories).

Sometimes, I feel this is how I am with life. I have never fit in life. The friends that I do have, they are in the same position as me. But this has been a good thing for me. I am glad that I haven't been sucked in to the world too much. I do not know how good of a Christian I am, but it at least helps me to stay a little objective and at least seek Christ and read my Bible and go to church and go to bible study and wow this is a long run on sentence that I am writing. Being an outsider has also helped me to do things I wouldn't have done if I was an insider, like play music and actually get good at it (I think I'm good! I dont know!)

Even as outgoing as I am... I'm still left on the outside a lot. It gives me lots of time to think and get the stuff in my head straight. I'm sure that Charlie had a lot of time to do that considering that he said some pretty thoughtful quotes: "I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why."

I don't look at the things like that as much as I think about the metaphysical however. I'd much rather spend my time debating universal abstract entities and other thieistic proofs.

I suppose those are the perks of being a wallflower. Just being able to sit back with a coke and a smile and enjoy the magic of the moment... Feeling like "infinite" or something. Just watching life go by but you're still getting more out of it than most people. How many people just pass on through as if there is nothing to it? I don't know about you, but I think that it's important to get something out of life... Even if it's just figuring things out and getting things straight in your head.

Go buy this book on Amazon you can get it pretty cheap, yo.

I have to admit that the whole "MTV" thing really threw me off. Growing up watching MTV was one of the most painful things of my life. VH1 was a whole lot better. All MTV was (and I don't know if it still is; I don't have a TV) was just about 5 to 10 really boring music videos (played over and over again) and Real World re-runs and stupid little shows like Beavis and Butthead. I even got the pleasure of watching an MTV movie two years ago about some bizarre closet musician. I do not like MTV.

However, I was really surprised with this book. It seems MTVish in a way. I cannot imagine going through so much as Charlie. I mean, this book has it all... Homosexuality, woman-beaters, "love," sex, and suicide. It's almost like watching an episode of ER (the most hectic television show of all time... everything is always going on at once).

A few people from my class did podcasts on this book. Check them out right HERE.

To tell you the truth, I cannot really relate to Charlie. However, he is caring. I would like to think I'm pretty caring. Everyone has a selfish streak to them. Perhaps the true struggle between the id and the ego is not so much as keeping on the selfless side of things rather than the selfish. I will say that one should aim to be perfectly selfish and perfectly selfless. For one who is completely selfless does so because they are selfishly thinking of the right motives. The "self" is a good thing.

I have never had a gay best friend. Although I have met many gay people, and I have a few aquaintences who live alternative lifestyles. Myself, I'm a conservative Christian. Usually, the most liberal folks avoid people like me before they ask me my opinion on anything or not.

I have had a few run-ins with the homosexual community at GVSU. I made a post on my livejournal at the end of last summer explaining my views on homosexuality. I opened up my post with, "I do not hate homosexuals anymore than I hate myself." I then went on to explain that I cannot possibly condemn homosexuals as people, for I would be a hypocrite because of my own sins. However, I can state the morality from a Christian standpoint. I simply said, "homosexual sex is immoral in a Christian worldview. Just as immoral as when I swear profusely or when someone lies... no better or not worse."

I recieved 100 replies in one night. 4 of them actually read the whole post. They were quite respectful and wanted to discuss things. The rest of the people did not read it. They saw that I was a Christian who said homosexual sex is a sin. They proceeded to leave me some of the nastiest and most hateful things I have ever read. I did not even say anything bad. These people did not even read what I said at all... And because of that I was discriminated against. I really appreciated the few that read it and wanted to discuss it though. Unfortunately, I was too tired to discuss it so I had to leave them in peace.

Therefore, I suppose that I can relate to Patrick and anyone else who has been discriminated against. I find that some of the most hateful people appear to come from the "anti-hate" and "anti-intolerance" folks... Thus hating the "hater" (as they say I am) and being incredibly intolerant of the intolerant (as they also say I am). I am not just speaking of militant homsexuals, nor are all homosexuals this way. But a few bad apples will spoil the whole darn bunch for any group I guess.

Yet, you know... I think that I love people. Since when is pointing out the morality of a scenario being hateful? And since when is love for your neighbor just accepting everything people do as being, "ok cuz Jesus loves 'em." I mean, Paul the Apostle surely didn't just say everything was ok. Truth is absolute. It's unfortunate that people think that truth is relative. People percieve it that way. They paint their arguments with these beautiful little philosophies, "let's be openminded." Yet, folks like these do not intend on being open-minded. They want me to accept their views, not be open-minded about them.

Jesus was closed-minded to what is bad. I see no problem in being the same. Yet this is on an individual basis, I'm not trying to throw blanket statements over any group of people or any one action.

I would have no problem having a gay friend. I just have never been put in a position to have one I guess. Maybe some of my friends are gay. I just don't go out so much. I sit in my room and play guitar. I have 3 friends that I go to Bible study with. Other than that, I just stay in and keep to myself.

I also never had a friend who committed suicide. I know of people who have, but I do not know anyone close to me that did. I would probably be hit with a tremendous amount of who knows what. I would be devastated.

I think I can empathize with Charlie on a few different levels. But I think that is the best I can do. I have a good imagination, but I have not really experienced many of the substantial things that he has.

As a matter of fact, the book is pretty unrealistic I think. NOW, when I say unrealistic, I do not mean that Charlie and the other characters seem fake. Don't get me wrong, they do seem very real... very much so. But this is a lot of stuff to deal with for one character. How could all of that be experienced by one person? Perhaps it's not too rare, but maybe I'm just really stupid or something.

However, I know people who have had a lot of bizarre stuff happen to them that is book worthy, but usually this is a cumulation over a lifetime or something.

Perhaps the book was written that way so people from all different aspects of life could get a little something out of it. Books like this can be likened to a Chinese Buffet. If you run out of combinations, you can always just mix something together and give it a strange name and no one knows the difference... it just makes sense and tastes good.

I will run my Literature classroom as a least restrictive enviornment possible. I don't want to strangle kids and make them choke on things they dont' want to read. I think that freedom is the key. If the students cannot handle picking books on their own, I say give them a list to choose from. Tell the kids what all the books on the list are about and let them choose.

It will be a looser classroom. I would want to teach the class in such a way that the class teachers theirselves. I think that discussion is important.

If I have the kids read "Go Ask Alice," I do not just want to say, "ok, now what's climax of the story, blah, blah, blah." But I want the kids to interact with it and give them the chance to write and state their opinion about it. Perhaps have an open discussion about it. Talk about morality. Have the students talk about its material. Don't focus on the literature aspect of it so much. Just give the students a chance to take as much as they can away from the book. I don't understand why teachers are so opposed to this sort of thing sometimes.

I want it to be a fun class. I can guarantee that if you have fun in a class and give less information, you will get more out of students than if you just lecture for hours upon end and give them tons of information.

I want it to be an interactive class with freedom. Yet, I will total sovereignty when I choose to express it.